I’ve been trying for the better part of a week now to figure out how to get that baby diaper smell out of our room!
Due to size constraints of our house and the size of the girls room at present we have to have the changing table in there. There is also no room for a Diaper Champ or any such thing, so we have a little tub that sits under on the shelf to put dirties in so we can take them out every few diapers instead of every one or out in the middle of the night.
I washed the pad cover and cleaned the changing pad. Scrubbed down the tub and even removed it from the room for a few days. It stilll smells like dirty diaper.

Then yesterday dropped a sock off the table between the table and the wall… and low and behold, what did I find? You guessed it a VERY full diaper! Stench found, issue resolved! Apparently someone changed a nasty diaper in their sleep!!
Now, if I could just find my blue tooth for my cell phone!

If you haven’t yet read “Can’t I just make biscuits!” http://missycoe.radiantchristians.com/2011/03/27/cant-i-just-make-biscuits/ you might want to go there now and read that first, for this is a continuation of that day…  for those who have read it… once again, grab some coffee and proceed to shake your head at the insanity, which is my life!!!

I never did get that 20 minute nap.  By the time I got SJ truly settled and lunch at least moved back into the kitchen the big girls were up again.  How am I going to get this house cleaned now!?!?  “Oh bother,” I thought, “lets just go to Good Will for a little retail therapy.”  “Naw, I’m even too tired for that.”  Again, I should go with my instincts.  Since I was too overwhelmed with the multiple disaster zones in the house and the girls seemed to be feeling a little stir crazy I decided that Good Will wasn’t such a bad idea.  At the least it will keep the girls from going out and bothering Sam.

Good Will was fairly packed.  Sundays are the first day of the new color (denoting 50% color tag) so there are a lot of people there.  But I knew I was still looking for curtains for the dining area, so we went in anyway and shopped.

Mom and I used to go to GW all the time.  In fact, I rarely went with her, as with two kids in tow it is a little more difficult to really dig through stuff.  So, mom would take one, and I would take the other, both nestled safely in the seat of the cart…  Now with three kids I’m realizing it’s near impossible.

I left Seraya in her car seat and latched her in to the seat area of the cart and let the big girls walk around with me.  This usually means one stands on one side of the cart, while the other stands on the opposite side, until I get anywhere NEAR the toy or book section when  they both promptly jump off.  True to fashion, the girls jumped on.

We did some shopping and the big girls, though getting into things here and there, did a great job of staying close and not breaking anything. In effect, they lulled me into a sense of security.  Seraya was fussing, I went to unbuckle her car seat and got distracted by the girls goofing off, so instead I just rocked the cart with one hand forward and back… SJ thankfully went to sleep.  Time to go, we walked to the toy area (where I usually let the girls look about as I sort through the card and decide what I really want and what I don’t think I should buy) then it all began…

A pair of shoes caught my eye.  Instead of dragging the cart into the shoe isle littered with shoe bombs (people are such pigs when they shop!) I left the cart at the end real quick and took a step into the isle to check the size.  Nope, not Vienna’s size… just as I was stepping back to the cart I hear it…..

CRASH… while I wasn’t looking both Vienna and Ziva tried to jump up on the card, on the same side!  The ENTIRE cart SLAMMED to the ground on its side… With Seraya and her car seat!!!!  When the cart hit, and the car seat slammed on its side, it popped off the cart and slid across the floor, still on it’s side.

I was SOOOO shocked by seeing Ziva pinned under the cart I was focused on getting her out from under it there were split seconds before I though “OH MY GOODNESS SJ WAS ON THE CART!”  She didn’t cry!  Hugging a hysterical Ziva in one hand (Vienna had jumped off, so she was fine) I used one hand to right the car seat again, at which point SJ finally cries!  But she’s not moving her neck.  We were instantly surrounded by people wanting to help, but they were shooting questions at me so fast I couldn’t think!  “You want me to call 9-1-1?” “What can I do to help?” “did the little one hit her head?” I was calm, but I was watching SJ closely while at the same time grasping each little part of Ziva’s body to make sure nothing was broke (its not like her to be that hysterical).  I got to her right knee and it was wet! Fleetingly the thought of a bloody compound fracture ripped through my mind!  So I yanked her pants off… whew… nothing… and right back up. Ziva was fine.

Seraya started to move her head finally and I asked a lady (who happened to be a nurse as well) if she would mind getting her out of the seat and handing her to me, as Ziva had a death grip on me and was NOT letting go.  She graciously unbuckled her and I grabbed her out and held her tight, and went back to holding Ziva as well.   I kept thinking “Thank you Lord that I didn’t unbuckle her and just set her in the car seat!!” like I’ve done a million times!

We must have sat there for at least 15 minutes.  The GW gal had to ask for my name and number and the names and ages of the kids.  So embarrassing.  But as we were sitting there getting the info on what happened down and such, some man was actually STEPPING OVER US TO SHOP!! Unbelievable!

We walked over to the drinking fountain (mainly so I could see how well Ziva was walking, and getting her mind off of the injuries—she was fine, though she still has a ton of bruises!) And then I just bought the contents of my cart without sorting.

The nurse that was helping suggested taking Seraya to the ER even though she looked fine.  So I called the dr’s office from the GW parking lot, knowing I’d get the service and need to wait for a call back.  They called the nurse… we drove hom.

Got home and called Sam in and started to feed Seraya as it was time for her next meal.  She was eating just fine, a really good sign, when the on-call nurse called.  I told her the story and she thought, since Seraya was so young (only ten weeks) that she should really call the doctor.  I finished feeing Seraya when she called back.

The doctor was encouraging and said that 99% of the time babies are just fine… but, you wouldn’t want to be that 1% and not go get checked… so, it was off to the ER.

I called Sam in and told him I was going.  He was still struggling with the work he was trying to finish, nothing was going right, but he was willing to go with us.  I told him I thought she was fine and that I could do the ER by myself.  But what to do with the big girls…

I called my brother and dropped the big girls off there, as it’s on the way to the hospital.

The ER took a while but was fairly uneventful. Other than when they asked to weigh SJ and I took her diaper off to do so it was full! And I had left the diaper bag with my brother for Ziva! Oops… but they hooked me up.

The nurses station was right outside our ER cubby/curtain and I heard one nurse say “Who’s got the ten week old baby?” and another say “no one, you want it?” “YES!” lol, so funny… I think we at one point or another got a visit from half the nurses (and they were all commenting about her name).

Seraya checked out fine, but we were told to come back if anything seemed strange.  Not a problem there!

Back to Craig & Joan’s to pick up the big girls.  Craig had made them Mac & Cheese, the girls were so excited to tell me as we drove home, but they were sooo hungry.  I told them they’d have to wait for a sandwich when we got home.

It’s now 9:30 in the evening.  And we’re driving down a dark country road.  We get just a few hundred yards from the lights of Safeway when… curchunk curchunk… we run out of gas!!!  YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDIGN ME?!?!?!

Sam doesn’t have a vehicle to come help.  With no sidewalks around and three babies, I am NOT walking to the Safeway in the dark with cars zipping by so quickly… I pick up to call my dad (I had been calling everyone earlier to tell them that everything was fine, but I was using the hands free) and I look at the screen “low battery” is flashing at me…

I call my dad and with out any greeting I say “Dad, I’m a mile from Safeway and I’m out of gas!”  “I’m on my way, which direction??? North or South???   “I’m coming from Criags!”  “ON MY WAY!”

Now I’m faced with the choice of sit there and bawl my eyes out, or trust that the phone will last a while and call Ronda to vent.  I opted to call Ronda so as not to scare the girls.  As my dad arrives, and my phone starts beeping, I say to Ronda “Forget the budget! I’m calling in an Abby’s Pizza for dinner”.  I hang up and start to exit the car and suddenly Vienna is WAILING!

“Vienna, why are you crying?”  “I WANT PAPPA MURPHYS!!!”  Oh goodness.

Dad is trying to fill the gas, and with all that’s happened to us in the last few months all I could think of is all those shows that have the cops pulled off to the side of the road that are hit or nearly hit by cars coming past them.  Now, the whole time I was sitting there with the girls waiting for dad, there were like two cars coming down this road… now that dad is out there, standing precariously in the lane, there are like THIRTY!   Ok, it was closer to ten, but it FELT like thirty!  I stood between him and the traffic and made sure people saw us and were pulling around!

Dad asks “Why’s Vienna crying” … uhg…

Gas in the tank we drive up to fill at Safeway. Dad followed us just to make sure we’d make it the two hundred yards or less J  he’s such a good dad!  (I should have filled his gas can back up right then… hum… I should go do that).

We went into Safeway as I called Abby’s to order our pizza.  We needed milk for breakfast in the morning or I wouldn’t have bothered.  I clicked Seraya’s car seat onto the shopping cart and Ziva immediately jumps up on the side of the cart!! Lesson apparently NOT learned!

Picked up the pizza and got home at ten p.m.  Sam was on a conference call with business partners about the project he was trying to finish (he joined us for pizza a half an hour later!) so there we are, eating pizza at ten p.m.  Some Mikes had somehow made it into my shopping cart at Safeway, I think it was never more deserved…

So happy anniversary to us   We saw each other maybe twenty minutes all up for the entire day.. but everyone was safe and sound. And that’s ok! Ha ha ha… Which reminds me… time to figure out some baby sitting so we can go out and properly celebrate seven of the most fabulous years ever!  Love that man of mine! (and I’m happy to report that both projects Sam was working so  hard on are finished!! All the more reason to celebrate!)

Such is my crazy life!  Needless to say this Sunday’s excursion to Good Will was done SOLO!

We were joking as we drove out to Lincoln City about how horrible everyone out there says their hospital is.  Mom was saying that if I started to go into labor that I’d better hold on tight and get back to Salem at least before the baby came out.  But I was a full month away from due date, I was sure the baby wouldn’t end my discomfort until February cause both my other girls were late!  We had no idea we’d really test out the abilities of the EMT services and hospital.  (Crazy the things you remember when something like this happens).

We settled into the rental house and had a great night hanging as a family.  We all seemed to sleep well and the next morning we celebrated Christoff Christmas!  It was a great day. Everyone was low key.  Mom gave Craig and I sentimental gifts.  Everyone but dad took a drive out to the Christmas Cottage in Nelscott, a tradition for us from… well, as long as I can remember, mom and I always went there when we went to the beach. We were all tired so we skipped going to the “Dread Pirate Roberts” (Roberts Books, the book shop across the street that we lovingly changed the name of) and headed back to the house after a few of us stopped at the Outlet mall.  We spent the afternoon playing the PS3, watching TV. and reading books.

Dinner was mom’s request.  We had only had Raclette with my family once, but mom loved it, so we were setting the table and getting ready for our meal when it all happened.

Mom was helping but went and sat on the couch.  The next thing I know Craig is hollering to call 911.  I went over to help, and she stopped breathing.  We got her to the floor and checked for a pulse, when we couldn’t find one we started CPR and were able to keep her going until the EMT services were able to arrive.

It’s a horrific sense of helplessness you feel when someone you love is in this much trouble.  It’s all at once horrific, surreal, and numbing.  In the days following whenever I thought about the night (which was often) I just wanted to make everyone I knew go to CPR classes, so that no one would feel so helpless.

When we got to the hospital there were lots of questions as the doctors tried to figure out what had happened with mom’s body and what was wrong.  Do you know what medications your parents are on?? Are you on lots? Do you keep a list of what you take in your wallet???  These are the things I think about now… if something were to happen to me, would my family feel the panic and frustration of not being able to remember the name of a medication?  Not that in mom’s case it mattered, but in some cases it could!  Mom had just started a new medication, and much to my horror I could not remember the name of it.  (It had nothing to do with what happened to her, but it was so frustrating not being able to say what it was).

To the credit of Lincoln City hospital the EMT’s got her there and the hospital got her stable enough to be transported to Salem Hospital.  I’m not even sure what time it was… but before we even left the hospital in LC we were all exhausted.  We raced back to the rental house and packed up in a flash. Joan was a trooper!  She stayed behind and packed up the whole kitchen and stayed behind to finish up all the little stuff as we raced off to Salem Hospital.

Sam and I dropped the girls off at his brother’s flat and were heading towards the hospital when dad called to say that the hospital had sent him home to rest.  Mom was stable and there wasn’t anything we could do.  We passed the hospital and headed home.  As we were pulling into our drive dad called again.  The cardiologist had called and said it wasn’t looking good and that we should come back to the hospital.  We raced back.

Upon arriving at the hospital Dad and Craig were already talking to the cardiologist.  I could tell by the look on Craig’s face it wasn’t a good report.  They got me up to speed with what the doctors were saying and the long night commenced.

Friends around the world were praying. We started calling mom’s sisters and family… rapidly it got difficult to think through who we had called an whom we still needed to call.

The Hospital and Mom fought a good fight.  But around five thirty in the morning it was obvious that it was a loosing battle and it was time to let mom go.  We don’t really know what happened to mom’s body, other than her heart just refused to beat properly.  It wasn’t a heart attack, or a stroke or anything we can name… her heart just stopped working.  The Lord just called her home.

Surrounded by her family, and a dear friends, dad prayed over her and thanked the Lord for the time He granted us with her.  It was one last sweet moment as a family with her… She had fought the good fight, she had won the race… and it was time to be with the Father.  There was much hospital staff around us, waiting to do the things that they had to do.   As we left the hospital it was like walking through a tunnel of staff, the heroic people who fought hard to save her life… several of the nurses cried right along with us…   I must say the hospital staff was wonderful, they not only cared for mom, but they took good care of us too, bringing recliners for us to rest in, offering water, juice, snacks, anything to help ease us as we were waiting in limbo.

Walking away from there was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I’d lost not just my mom, but my dear friend. She was a constant companion, a part of the every day life of our family.  She loved on my girls like only a Mimi could.  They love her dearly (and often preferred her over me! Probably because she always let them have juice! Lol)   There is still a big hole in much of my days.  I don’t know who to call when the girls do something cute, or have to go to the ER (yes, Seraya has already been to the ER!!!)  or who to call to ask how to get a stain out J  (I never met a stain my mom didn’t know how to get out!!)

Seraya Jane was born almost a month later.  Things didn’t go as planned and she needed to come early.  It was so strange not having mom here for the birth of the baby. She’d been to the birth of the other two, she and dad both. But this time it was just me and the men, Dad and Sam.  How blessed am I with these two men in my life.  Such Godly men that stand by me, and love me as I am.  It was OK mom wasn’t there, because I had them.  Mom would have been so proud of Seraya.  She’s a beautiful baby and mom was so excited for her arrival.  And to feel like mom was with us, we brought Seraya home in the outfit my mom picked out for her and gave to her for Christmas.  Even before she was born, Mimi was loving on her.  Someone suggested that maybe the Lord would let mom see and talk to Seraya before she was born… I don’t know how Heaven works, the Bible isn’t incredibly clear on how it all works  this separation of heaven and earth.  But what a sweet thought to think of my mom cuddling and whispering to Seraya.  Then I realized mom has gotten to meet the son she lost during her first pregnancy, and she’s meeting the three grandbabies she never got to meet from my miscarriages. Oh what heaven must be like!  Dancing with her Daddy. Chatting with her mama once again.

I am sure my momma is the happiest she has ever been in Heaven. But I am so sad for missing her.  But I must say there are a few songs that I can’t stop singing when I think of mom.  The first is Chris Tomlin’s “I Will Rise” that one I sing for my momma and imagine her singing. Because we have that peace.

The other is “Held” by Natalie Grant, to remind me that, though miracles happen they are the exception, and that we live in a fallen world.  No one is exempt from the effects of that fallen world, not one of us..  Even so, at times it so hard not to be upset that the Lord didn’t give us a miracle.  I’m human after all, innately selfish and self centered… But the effects of the fall belong to all of us. Equally. We aren’t promised a life without pain, quite the opposite (indeed we are surrounded by people and circumstances effected by sin, and by the wonderful gift that is Free Will) but there are promises we can cling to.  That the Lord is near to the broken hearted (Psalm 34:18), He is a companion in times of need (Psalm 23)…

The other day Vienna’s little mind was working, it’s always working, and she asked me, “Mama, is Mimi in Heaven with Adam and Eve?”  I’d never thought of it that way… “why, yes, she is, and Moses, and Mary, and Joseph,  King David, Queen Esther… Her daddy, and her mommy… so many people… and Great Grandpa Oswalt who joined her in March.”  Oh what a party it must be.

Vienna just asked me why I was crying.  When I told her that today was Mimi’s birthday she put her little hand to her mouth, and in the sweetest little voice of concern she asked…. “Do we  have to cancel every Mimi’s birthday?”  No baby, we don’t.  I’m off to make my momma a cake.  I don’t know if Birthdays are celebrated in Heaven.  I doubt it as the things of this world are so unimportant in the grand scheme of the universe. But if they are, OH what a party that would be… then again, I imagine every day in Heaven is a party!

So today we celebrate my mom; the woman who taught me everything. Or at least tried!  I’m not always the best listener.  She was a big part of who I have become to be, no, I never got her organizational skills, but she gave me much more than that.  She gave me love.

Can’t wait to see you again someday mom. I love you.  Until then… I’m Held.